mixed emotion

It doesn't even have to be anything. It just has to be something. Something is better than nothing. All I can say is you better have tried. Given the time and all the right opportunities, what will you have done? Forget what you said and what you heard, what did you DO? Was it beyond you? Was it more than your self-centric state of being? Did it affect others? No. Because you do need to put yourself first and let others experience you after. It is a confliction. A HYPOCRISY. Work with what you have, but when you have it - you better work it!